Tuesday, April 24, 2012

40 To 40 Day 36: On What Every Woman Should Know

I read a really dumb thing today. Side note- is it just me, or is the Huffington Post becoming a bastion of crazy paranoid ridiculousness?

Ok, this particular thing isn't crazy or paranoid, just a little stupid. "Turning 30: What Every Woman Should Have And Should Know" Well ok! I'm turning 40- so I should have all this down, right? So I clicked.

Oy. Why did I click on this nonsense? Here's a sampling:

You should have by the time you're 30:

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

And here's some of what you all should know by the time you're 30, ladies:

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

Do women take this shit seriously? Besides, I can name plenty of women I know who don't have this any of this figured out yet. And you know what? It. Doesn't. Matter. This is why women get so paranoid about their looks, where they are going in life, and getting older. Why is the goal a juicy past? I would have LOVED to have the most boring, uneventful past. Lace makes my boobs itch- am I a total failure?

A lot of these things I didn't figure out until just a few years ago. Several things I'm still working on. Why does life have to be like a standardized test? Can women just live their lives and accept themselves the way
they are, without having to feel like they have to achieve certain things by a certain age?

Fuck you, Glamour. Now people are going to spend money on your nonsense, because you have famous people validating this stupid list.

We are works in progress, never failures.

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