I have been wanting to write more over here, where I can be on a more personal level. I was looking through the archives of the past few years, and I introduced myself to ME again. Then as I was putting together the previous entry on friendship it got me thinking. What made me stop?
The best I can come up with is how everything sort of crash-landed around my (foster) Dad's illness. He was diagnosed in the fall of '06. It was over before we knew it, unfortunately, and the universe decided to throw a bunch of shit in the fan at the same time. That Christmas was also when one of my aunts and I had a falling out, and also when the friendship previously mentioned in the last post fell apart. From October '06 through about April '07, I was in a funk. That summer of '07 was when I personally started feeling the negative affects of podcasting, in the form of a jerk who didn't agree with my positions. So he decided to start flaming me publicly, and in a personal way. Needless to say, I crawled into a shell, shied away from my blogging and being so open. Kept it strictly about politics. Which meant this place suffered.
One thing is true though, time heals. It also toughens your skin. It took awhile to make my own peace with the tragedies in my life, but I feel I have. It's not easy when you really just want someone to take care of you for a change. What I know now is I need to take care of myself, and wanting or expecting someone else to do it for me only delays the healing. And you can never move forward.
The universe responds in kind. It began with the flickr meme posted below. There was really no better place to put it than here. After that, I saw all the friendship discussion on Twitter, and then at the same time, my friend Julie finds me in chat, and we end up on the phone for over an hour catching up. It was wonderful- I was so happy after talking to her again!
Everything happens for a reason, although sometimes the reasons aren't what you expect or even want, but I really believe it to be true.
I'm going to reach out to myself again, use this space and continue well, trying to find my way. Want to join me?