Monday, August 01, 2005

What hot, bored AZ peeps do

Because what are we gonna do, go outside?

Limerick competition was heated
AZ Republic
Jul. 31, 2005 12:00 AM

And now the moment we've all been waiting for - the winner of this year's Gloriously Magnificent and Really Big Valley 101 Hot Weather Limerick contest.

First, a few words about the judging: Yes, your limerick was clearly better than the winner's. I don't know what I was thinking. I am clearly a moron who has no taste and knows nothing about limericks. There, do you feel better?

I bet there were at least 900 or 1,000 entries. I got them down to 12 or so and with the help of my lovely assistant, I finally made the crucial final call.

Some of the runners-up were really good. This one is from Margaret Clark:

My attorney said I'll get half.
But I really wanted the last laugh.
He was surely a louse.
He can have the hot house,
Cuz, Ha! I got the cabin in Flagstaff.

This one isn't bad. It's by Bob Craig of Phoenix.

The minister's wife dressed discreetly.
And greeted parishioners sweetly.
But she has her fun
In the hot summer sun.
In her back yard she disrobes completely.

I really liked this one a lot. It's from Don Goguen of Scottsdale.

As limericks go this flies straight.
An anagram meant not to try fate.
Mixing letter-by-letter,
You'll surely feel better
When encountering DRY HEAT, just HYDRATE.

There were about eight or 10 more that were well above average, but I don't have room for them. (Sorry, Ollie Briggs. And Brittainy Stapley, that was pretty good for a 10-year-old. )

And now, at long last the winner. Joe Orlando of Mesa gets top honors for this.

The haboob blows through here each year.
I view it with loathing and fear.
Not wind, rain or lightning
Is what I find frightening.
I hate getting dust in my beer.

Good one, huh? There's just one problem. When I told him he'd won the Diamondback tickets, Orlando said he would be giving them away to a shelter or some charity because he's a Yankees fan. A Yankees fan. Of course, by then it was too late because I'd already told him he had won. I could hardly take it back. Next year I think I'll make you guys put your baseball affiliations on your entries. A Yankees fan. Jeez.

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