Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Nightmares stemmed by guilt?

This whole weekend has been rough. Trying to figure out the best way to help these poor people who have lost everything. My anger over the way this entire emergency situation was handled grows. The things I am finding out just make my jaw drop. Why would FEMA keep trucks full of food and the Red Cross away from the area? It just doesn't make any sense, when you look at it from a humanitarian standpoint.

Then late last night I caught a replay of "Oprah", and was just stunned. She demanded to see inside the Superdome. They tried to keep her out, but she needed to see. Needed to see what these people had to live in for a week before help arrived. GOOD for her, no way anyone with the last name of Bush would even bother.

After each segment they would go back to her live, and she was in tears. EVERY TIME. She was in there trying to put families back together. One at a time. Just watching her, you could see the concern and desperation on her face as she did so, all the while reassuring others who were trying to give her names. So different than the Bush photo-ops, or Barbara's recent comments.

I'm trying to do what I can. I created a fund-raiser to try and help a family or two that have been re-located to Arizona. I want the funds to go directly to someone, not lost in the big pot of the Red Cross or Salvation Army. So far so good. I'm happy to be doing what little I can.

Though there is guilt. Yesterday in the paper was an article by that favorite writer of mine, EJ Montini. Be thankful for your daily grind. Be thankful you have a home, you have money, you know where your family is. We just got 4 plane tickets so we could all fly east over the Christmas holiday. I don't have to tell you how much it cost, we all know ticket prices. Bret says I should not feel guilty for what we have. It isn't that I feel guilty for what I have, I of course am always thankful. Yet, I can't help but think of those who are sitting there who have just lost their daily grind. While I'm planning to visit my family who I can pretty much see whenever, there are those who have lost family members. There are those who have no clue WHERE their family members are at the moment. Four plane tickets. Money that could be better spent on helping a family get on their feet again after this disaster. So yes, I feel a bit of guilt. I shouldn't be so selfish.

The kicker last night was my nightmare. I finished that episode of Oprah at one in the morning. Made a post on my network about it, then went to bed. Only to be awoken by my mind at 3:30. I'm in a rowboat on a river, or a lake. I slowly begin to notice that I am not on either, but on a flooded street. I see tops of houses and trees all around me. I look down into the boat and notice a fishing pole, the line cast. I'm fishing? Then the line jerks, apparently I've caught something. I reach over and start pulling, struggling with the line. Finally I give it one last great pull, and am knocked off my feet. At the end of the line is a small child's body.

Then I woke up.

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