The Independent Nation of... Arizona?

It's reporters and columnists such as Montini here that give me the strength to literally sweat out another day in the desert, along with Steve Benson's Editorial comics. ~D

From The Arizona Republic:
Making the case for an independent nation of Arizona

Sept. 1, 2005 12:00 AM

Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas apparently wants to be the president . . . of Arizona. And who knows? Maybe he's on to something. Maybe the county prosecutor's desire to have Arizona's police officers take over what is supposed to be the job of federal immigration authorities is the first step toward our state becoming an independent nation.

Gov. Janet Napolitano has tilted in that same direction. Not long ago she declared a state of emergency in order to free up $1.5 million in disaster funds to aid those counties on the border most hard hit by illegal immigration and drug smuggling.

"This is a federal responsibility, and they're not meeting it," the governor said. "I've just come to the conclusion (that) we've got to do what we can at the state level until the federal government picks up the pace."

And what if it doesn't?

We've got another would-be contender for president of Arizona proposing that we build our own Great Wall along the border with Mexico. State Rep. Russell Pearce wants Arizona to spend half a billion dollars in order to erect a 350-mile barricade.

But why stop there? Why not a wall between us and California? Us and New Mexico? Us and Utah? We could be a fortress nation, like Oz. We're already full of Munchkins, tin men, scarecrows, cowardly lions and phony wizards.

Think of the benefits. Once we declare our independence, all of our National Guard and reserve troops in Iraq would be sent home immediately. The nation of Arizona isn't at war, after all. We could take those citizen soldiers and post them on our grand and glorious new wall.

We wouldn't have to ship any more of our money to Washington, D.C. And as an added bonus, we wouldn't have to issue passports for re-entry to any of the politicians we've sent there.

Neither the U.S. Congress nor the U.S. Supreme Court could tell us what to do.

We could refuse to join the United Nations, the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, the Organization of American States, the World Bank, the World Trade Organization and World Health Organization. Instead, we'd cast our lot with the only international federation suited to our deportment: the World Wrestling Enterainment.

Arizona politicians, who for years have spent money like they were printing it themselves, could actually print it themselves. We could stubbornly refuse to go along with daylight-saving time. (Wait, we already do that.) We could put jail inmates in pink underwear and pretend that it's crime prevention. (We do that, too.) We could build fancy new stadiums for already wealthy sports team owners. (Yep.)

We could elect people who believe that the best way to spend our tax money is to enforce laws that the federal government already is being paid to enforce. Along with people who want to erect giant walls.

Prosecutor Thomas is upset because some of Arizona's police agencies say that they don't have the money or manpower to go after undocumented immigrants or those who bring them here.

As a sovereign nation, we could do that.

Then, we could round up all of the non-citizens hiding in the new Arizona (many from that nation to the south) and ship them out of our country. This quickly would cause the economy to spiral downward and transform our newly independent republic into a Third World country. Which would be a dream come true.

Once Arizona is no longer part of the union, we could establish diplomatic relations with the United States and qualify for something that none of the remaining 49 states could hope to receive: foreign aid.