Fear of flying stressing me out?

I've got a cold.

At least, I guess it's a cold. My throat has been sore for two days. I'm achy and popping advil like it's candy. I toss and turn all night while coughing and praying for health or death to be swift, which I'm sure is driving husband bonkers.

Funny this hits me now, when I'm flying across the country on Friday. I hate to fly. There are not many things I hate. Actually, I can't think of anything else I can honestly say I hate, other than flying. We were not meant to fly. We would have been born with wings, or in the words of I believe Mel Brooks, "God would have given us tickets".

I read my will every time I'm going to fly. Make sure it's all in order. I call all my close friends and family and say goodbye. I try to think forward to the reasons I'm going. Focus. Nope. All I think about is I don't want to leave my girls without their Mom.

I also deal with guilt. So much guilt. I don't know of any of my friends with kids who would leave their children. They just don't do it- or they take them along. Should I do the same? Am I not supposed to have a good time? Yeah, it's business. But this convention is about something I -love-, and of course I can't wait to see my family, get lost in a museum or two, sit in Central Park and read. Of course there is plenty of shopping to do. :-) All the things that are a little more difficult with children (and sometimes husband) in tow.

Honestly, it's better when I travel alone, or with my kids. If it's just me and my husband, forget it. He asks over and over if I'm ok, I want to strangle him! With the kids I'm distracted, and forced to put on the brave face so they don't get all freaked out like their wuss mother. When I'm alone I can at least read and get lost in my music. (Which this time means I get to take the iPod- I will not have a dull moment in the music department, that's for sure.)

So I think I got myself sick. I'm sucking down Trader Joe's vitamin C drinks until I puke. Hopefully by Friday when I am up WAY before the sun for my 6:30 flight, I will not have to kill my pain with advil any more. But I also have plenty of chewable vitamin C pills as back up...